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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365562">cherry blossoms</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/illrunwithyou/pseuds/illrunwithyou'>illrunwithyou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Sad Zuko (Avatar), Self-Harm, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, everyone just wants to help, he hates himself, the adventures of zuko, zuko burns himself, zuko gets thrown into jail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:08:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365562</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/illrunwithyou/pseuds/illrunwithyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zuko was locked up in the cell, then forced to chase the impossible on a ship, his only companions were his numbers.</p><p>or</p><p>the one where Zuko is hurting and takes it out on himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aang &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Katara &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Suki &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong &amp; Zuko, Zuko (Avatar) &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>515</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cherry blossoms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>PLEASE READ THE TAGS! This fic contains self-harm, not too graphic but don't take any risks. </p><p>I apologize if anything doesn't seem right or the characters are too OOC. I also apologize for any grammatical mistakes, I just suck at english despite it being my first language. </p><p>Anyways, happy reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>There was no way this was happening. His father had always been strict but there was no way he would do this. </i>
</p><p>Fire Lord Ozai was walking towards him, shirt off and prepared to fight. Zuko kneeled immediately with his head pressed to the ground. </p><p>
  <i>He knew his father didn’t love their family, much less Zuko, but he didn’t think even the cruel Fire Lord had it in him to fight his own son in an Agni Kai. </i>
</p><p>“Please father, I only had the Fire Nation’s best interests at heart. I’m sorry I spoke out of turn!” His voice gave away and cracked. He internally cringed at his pre-pubescent voice which revealed his weakness. </p><p>
  <i>His father had always favored Azula, only hugging her when they were younger, only praising her, only asking about Zuko when he wanted to use him as a foil to his shining prodigy of a younger sister. </i>
</p><p>“You will fight for your honor,” he was coming closer, steps resonating in the silent Agni Kai room.</p><p>“I meant you no disrespect. I am your loyal son,” his head touched the icy ground. It felt good against his naturally high temperature. He closed his eyes and prayed, prayed to every spirit there was and ever will be. </p><p>
  <i>If he had believed that his father wouldn’t kill his firstborn son just to prove a point, he knew now that he would. There was something indescribable in his father’s golden eyes, something hard, something intense. Anger? Irritation? Fury? </i>
</p><p>“Stand up and fight, Prince Zuko” he demanded, voice booming over the crowd of generals in the audience, their eyes shooting lasers at him. </p><p>“I will not fight you,” tears dripped onto the floor, drops at first, that combined and formed a puddle by his shaking fingers. </p><p>“You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher,” the Fire Lord’s hand came down on his face and the entire left side erupted in a mess of pain. He couldn’t help but let out a screech of pain. It was only a few seconds but it felt like eternities. When his father finally let go of his face, he fell to the ground with an indignant umph. The cold ground made him curl up around his injured eye, pressing his burning eye to the ground. It was the only relief he had. He wanted to wipe away the tears that gathered in his one good eye but his arm wouldn’t move; he wanted to pass out, let the icy hard ground take him in; but most importantly, he wanted to run away from the pain, the feeling of his skin blistering and melting off, the humiliation in front of the most influential people in the Fire Nation. His vision blurred and the edges darkened, but the darkness couldn’t take him fast enough, not before he heard the crowd cheering, the crowd cheering at the mutilation of their prince and a stray tear slipped from his injured eye. As his eyelids closed in on itself, he caught one last glimpse of his father’s eyes. </p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Disappointment. That’s what it was.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>————-</p><p>When he came to his senses, his wrists were bound above his head, metal cuffs cutting into his pale skin. A chill ran up his body as he realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt. The room was made of stone, stone walls, floor, ceiling, the only metal things were his cuffs and the metal gate keeping him locked from the world. He winced. His hand crept up to his left eye and he felt a soft cotton bandage that wrapped around the entire left side of his face. His hand traveled to the back of his head and felt short, scratchy hair, like it had been roughly cut in order to expose his extensive burns. Tears sprang into his good eye; he had nothing to be strong for anymore, his father hated him, his entire nation hated him. He was the laughing stock of the nation, deemed as weak, the word he had been working so hard to not be associated with. Tears couldn’t bring back his status, his honor, so tears ran hotly down his face, unrestrained. </p><p>“Here,” a gruff voice grunted, throwing him some water, “someone will come see you soon. You should get some water, and hey,” the guard hit the metal bars menacingly, “you better not try to escape, there is nothing flammable in here and if you try to melt the metal cuffs, we will <i>not</i> hesitate to melt your face off,” as if to prove a point, he lit a flame in his hand and guffawed, “even more than it has.” </p><p>Zuko kept his head down, focusing on the water thrown on the floor. The guard had just thrown some water from his canteen onto the dirty stone floor. The chained prince could barely even reach it. The guard knew, he just wanted to see the high and mighty prince beg for his necessities. Zuko couldn’t, even if it killed him, he would rather die than beg like a peasant, but his throat was parched, begging for water, so he strained against the painful cuffs and kneeled, desperate.</p><p>The guard laughed mockingly, taunting him with his canteen filled with cold, refreshing, <i>clean</i> water. The prince couldn’t take it anymore, he slammed his head into the water, relishing as the icy water cooled his burning forehead. It felt so good that he couldn’t help his heavy eyelids as they slid over his tired eyes. He could hear the guard laughing in the distance. </p><p>————-</p><p>He was woken up from his nap by a commotion right outside his cell door. Straining against the painful cuffs, he tried to get close to the cell door to listen. A loud crash of some guards symbolized the end of the fight. Scrambling, he rushed to the corner of his cell because he wasn’t dumb, he knew that whatever took down the guards would likely kill him without hesitation. His best chance for survival was to pretend he was already dead, maybe killed by the guards, maybe from dehydration on this scorching day, maybe even suicide.</p><p>“Zuko? Prince Zuko, are you there?” a gentle voice called out, knees meeting the ground as the man wrapped his hands around the metal bars. Zuko recognized that voice. </p><p>“Uncle Iroh?” he uncurled from his ball, “what are you doing here?”</p><p>“Oh, Prince Zuko? Do you even know what happened after the Agni Kai?” his uncle unlocked the door to his cell and sat in front of the prince. He shook his head, head still spinning from all the events in merely a day. Uncle unpacked the bag he brought with him, unloading all the carefully packed delicacies from his bento box. </p><p>“You were taken to the healer’s and they flushed out your eye and put a cooling salve on it, then bandaged it,” he took out a small bottle out of his pocket, “you need to put this on your eye every night until it fully scars over,” Zuko looked up from his bowl filled with food, reaching his arm out to grab the salve, “I will come here every night to help you apply it. </p><p>“A-and the Fire Lord allowed it?” </p><p>“He doesn’t have to know,” his uncle let out a hearty laugh, returning to his food. </p><p>When it came time for his uncle to leave, Zuko considered begging him to stay. He genuinely considered begging, begging for him to not leave him here in this prison where his main weapon was useless, where they didn’t even keep their worst criminals, much less a 13-year-old boy. Despite all his fears, he swallowed his discontent and turned towards his corner, letting his uncle take his leave in peace. The old general noticed the quiet sniffles resonating from the corner and the small puddle forming by the wall and felt his heart clench. </p><p>————-</p><p>“You know why he wanted you to stay in jail?” Uncle Iroh asked one night as he was gently applying the salve to the red and damaged skin, “he’s afraid of what you could do. If you were brave enough to stand up to a general’s plan, then you could be brave enough to do other things. He wants you in a place where you would do him the least harm,”</p><p>“I...knew I was a disappointment, I’ll stay out of his way from now on. I….deserved this,” </p><p>Uncle Iroh turned him around and wrapped the fresh bandage around his forehead, “I believe that you are capable of using your courage for something better. You are the pride of the Fire Nation,”</p><p>Zuko hummed in response, unhearing of the encouraging words. </p><p>————-</p><p>The days blended together. The only indication of days changing was his uncle coming in every day with different outfits. He must’ve figured out that seeing the different outfits made his nephew happy as it was one of the only things of versatility in his life, so Uncle Iroh always made a big deal to put on outrageous outfits just so his nephew could crack a tiny, crooked smile. Uncle Iroh was his only source of mild happiness in this place where he could not see the sun, which is one of the worst things for a firebender because the sun was where he got his energy, his power. Without the sun, he was just a starved, weak boy who would never escape his cell. This thought scared him, the fact that his dad had left him there to rot, something they didn’t even do to their worst prisoners. </p><p>Desperate, Zuko tried every single day to summon a flame to his cold, shaking hands, and every day, the flame only got weaker. He couldn’t live like this anymore, where his days blended together, where his thoughts only got darker, where he barely even had enough energy to lift his head to peer at his uncle every night he came. It was a sunny day, he knew because his uncle came in practically glowing with happiness, as many firebenders do when they become stronger and more powerful. His uncle described to him a wonderful new Pai Sho player he had met at his favorite tea shop. Zuko hummed, as he often did to his Uncle’s stories of the outside world. His uncle sighed, knowing that his nephew was suffering the way war prisoners were, at only 13-years old and he had no way to stop it. Bowing his head, he gently opened the cell door and let himself out.</p><p>It took several minutes before Zuko realized that his uncle had left and he clenched his fists. He couldn’t live like this anymore. He summoned a small flame from his finger. It was weak, as were all his flames, flickering yet not burning out as he just stared at it, mesmerized. Unthinking, he burned a line into his left forearm, a small one, slightly crooked. It burned, not as much as his face when his father got to him, but enough for his mind to clear. He snuffed out the flame and fell asleep, with the burnt, slightly swollen line on his forearm resting against the icy ground. </p><p>One.</p><p>————-</p><p>“Uncle, what day is it?” It was one of the first times in days that Zuko had spoken, resulting in his voice being quiet and scratchy. </p><p>“We just passed the Spring Equinox, why?”</p><p>“It has been…..been……” he wracked his brain, frustrated. When did he get this mark? When did his father start despising him? When was he thrown in here?</p><p>“Eleven days, eleven days since…..the Agni Kai,” </p><p>
  <i> Right after the Spring Equinox, what a great way to welcome summer.</i>
</p><p>“One of my Pai Sho friends brought this from a recent travel to the colonies.” Uncle handed him a dried cherry blossom. The blossom was pale pink and the stem was rough, but the petals were still soft. It reminded him of the beauty outside his cell.</p><p>When Uncle Iroh left, he set fire to the cherry blossom and watched it fall to the ground. That night, he also burned a handprint into his skin, on his upper thigh. </p><p>Seven.</p><p>————-</p><p>“The Fire Lord has declared that this traitorous prince is now banished from the Fire Nation. He will only be able to regain his honor and return to the Fire Nation if he has successfully captured the Avatar. He will be given a ship and a crew that will set asail tonight,” one of the royal subjects read from the scroll. Zuko didn’t even spare him a glance as he left. </p><p>He had 30 burn marks on his left forearm when his father had chosen to abandon him. </p><p> </p><p>Thirty.<br/>————-</p><p>“What are you doing here, uncle?”</p><p>“I’m here to accompany you on your journey,”</p><p>“Why? You should be sitting in a tea shop and playing Pai Sho,”</p><p>He laughed heartily as he threw his bag onto the deck, “I figured it’s time for me to travel the world. We were able to go everywhere on our ship back when I was a general, and I always thought about how wonderful it would be if I had the chance to go back, but as a traveler! And I finally get to! With my beloved nephew too.” </p><p>Huffing, Zuko looked away, “I don’t need your supervision, I’m old enough to find the Avatar by myself,”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not here to supervise, Prince Zuko, I’m only here as a tourist,” He smiled, one that didn’t reach his eyes, which were filled with worry. <i>You need someone here to love you and direct you.</i> he didn’t say, <i> I need to protect you, you are the only one left with some good in you</i> he didn’t say. </p><p><i> I love you</i> he didn’t say. He just placed the cherry blossom he had found while walking to the ship onto his nephew’s head, only for him to shake it off with frustration.</p><p>————-</p><p>
  <i> “-and suffering will be your teacher!” his father’s voice bellowed next to his ear, his eye erupting in flames. But it didn’t stop there, the flames caught, they spread, and they destroyed. No one was helping, everyone laughing, cheering. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“No one liked him anyways,”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yeah, burn his face off!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What kind of a crown prince can’t even handle a little flame?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He caught a glimpse of familiar eyes. His mom.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You weren’t even supposed to be born,” His heart hurt, his face hurt, his body hurt. He screamed. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>I’m sorry, I promise I will be good, I promise, I’m so-</b>
  </i>
</p><p>“-rry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” he woke up screaming into the pitch dark. Panting, he looked outside, the moon was high in the sky. He gripped his face, running his fingers along the tight skin that pulled his entire eye up to his deformed ear. He needed air. Flinging off his blankets, he clumsily got dressed in a plain red robe and walked out of his bed to the deck. Gripping onto the railing, he felt tears well up in his eyes but refused to let them down. Instead, he ran to the bathroom, hand on his chest. He needed to let this pain out, so he did the only thing he knew how. He started counting. </p><p>Another flame burned into his stomach this time, since both arms were filled with little, angry red marks, scars that only took a few days to heal. Satisfied with his calendar, he waddled back to his bed and promptly fell into a dreamless sleep.</p><p>Seventy-three. </p><p>————-</p><p>Uncle Iroh, as much of a detail-oriented person as he was, somehow overlooked the marks that seemed to stretch endlessly on his nephew’s pale skin. He only noticed the long sleeves his nephew seemed to always don, as if he didn’t have a single short sleeve in his entire closet. </p><p>It was even more noticeable the day he got heat stroke. It had been a year since the prince was banished and they were running out of options.They had been waiting in line in an Earth Kingdom village for a fortune teller. It was the middle of summer and who knew Earth Kingdom could get as hot as the Fire Nation? Firebenders took power from the sun but it was a double edged sword as too much sun could be deadly, especially since Zuko had been dehydrated since that morning. Uncle Iroh was wearing only shorts, chest bare (he had wanted to go out in only underpants but Zuko begged him to at least wear something that resembled pants so they settled on shorts) while Zuko refused to shed his layers of clothing, insisting that he couldn’t stoop to the level of peasants, he had to at least retain his status by showing off his bounty of clothes. </p><p>The fortune teller, evidently, was insanely popular amongst the locals and thus it took them hours in line under the burning hot sun in order for them to meet her. She told them that there was going to be great luck coming their way and to just keep waiting before guards hauled them away. She revealed to them that she recognized them as the banished prince and the retired Fire Nation general, both wanted criminals in the Earth Kingdom for the harm they did to their people. They narrowly fought them off before sprinting to the ship and hurriedly setting sail. That was when Prince Zuko collapsed.</p><p>As a firebender, their body temperatures are naturally higher than an average person’s, so it was not a surprise when they touched him and felt heat. What was unnatural, though, was that he wasn’t sweating, didn’t feel cold and clammy, and he woke up to dry heave, only bile coming up since he hadn’t consumed anything since the day before. </p><p>“Take off his clothes now!” the onboard medic commanded, pushing through the crowd of ship crew and kneeling next to the panting prince. None of the ship crew moved as Uncle Iroh kneeled by his nephew, quickly prying the clothes off. Everyone gasped. </p><p>The entirety of both his arms were covered in neat little lines, not one that crisscrossed. “Everyone disperse! You guys have to have better things to do!” Iroh yelled, despite knowing full well that everyone had already seen the scars that painted his nephew’s pale skin. As his fingers continued unclothing him, Uncle Iroh couldn’t help but blink back tears. </p><p>————-</p><p>“What’s this?” </p><p>“What’s what?” Zuko didn’t turn to look at his uncle, focusing on the spot in the distance the crew claimed to be an unexplored island, another chance of finding the Avatar. </p><p>He walked towards the focused prince and rolled up his sleeves, only for the arm to be yanked away protectively, “training accident,”</p><p>“This is no training accident, Prince Zuko. What happened?” Uncle Iroh’s tone held something indecipherable, gentle yet firm.</p><p>“I was bored okay?! The cell was boring without you there, I just wanted to…..I was just bored, okay?” </p><p>“Did it hurt? Does it still hurt?” </p><p>“It did at first, but I got used to it,” They both knew that that wasn’t what he was asking, but neither went further. Uncle Iroh handed him a cherry blossom chain he had braided, only for him to stomp on it. </p><p>That night, Zuko picked up an unharmed cherry blossom and stowed it away in his bedside drawer. He sighed and continued his count, this time starting on his legs.</p><p>Three hundred eighty-one. <br/>————-</p><p>The Avatar was alive. They finally found him, there was hope left in the world, there’s a chance of them finally returning home after nearly three years. Zuko could feel his heart, could feel it beat in his newly burned lines. His entire crew celebrated that night with a feast made with the limited resources they still had, as even the Fire Nation colonies had started blockading their ship from entering their waters. Zuko grit his teeth, knowing that this was a command set by his father, to make his life even more difficult. But tonight was not the night to worry about that, it was a night worth celebrating. Someone thrusted the Tsungi horn into his hands and Uncle Iroh motioned him over to sit next to him. Tonight was a night of loud jokes around a campfire, music that made them all nostalgic, and hope that was reignited in them all. </p><p>He didn’t count that day. </p><p>————-</p><p>Zhao didn’t have the right to take his crew! He repeated that over and over in his head, like a mantra that would come true if he just said it enough times. How was he supposed to continue without his supporting crew? How was he supposed to find the Avatar? Regain his honor?</p><p>He flopped back down on his bed as his uncle’s footsteps walked away from his room. He had wanted to take a walk with him but there was something he needed to do first. </p><p>He burned a deep mark into his outer thigh, a mark that vaguely looked like the word failure but was messed up as tears blurred his vision. It started bleeding, blistering, so Zuko hurriedly pressed a clean towel to it. That was when he heard something on his supposedly quiet ship. His entire crew was gone and his uncle was out on a walk, so who was it? He limped towards the sounds, hiding behind the wall that led to the control room. </p><p>Everything felt like slow motion as he peered into the room, only to see a man standing over several barrels of what could only be blasting jelly before he dove out the window. His legs weren’t fast enough, still burning with the self-inflicted burn.</p><p>One step. </p><p>Two steps.</p><p>Three steps. </p><p>He dove the rest, head first into the water. Air seemed to continuously escape from his lungs but he eventually found his way up. Everything he had was truly gone now. His ship, his crew, and now, as Zhao had wanted, his life. Prince Zuko had died on that ship, Zhao would claim. It was a simple ship mishap that resulted from his inexperience as a captain, Zhao would laugh. He let out a single tear that mingled with the salty ocean.</p><p>When Uncle Iroh found him, he had already pulled himself out of the water and bandaged his leg with a scrap from his ripped clothes. Uncle Iroh rushed him onto Admiral Zhao’s ship, stuffing him into a guard’s uniform and insisting that they would not get recognized. </p><p>Zuko sat on his bed that night and stared at his arms, the small, net lines that interweaved together like a little net. Igniting his finger, he began completing the lines, making little X’s with them. </p><p>Five hundred forty-six.<br/>————-</p><p>
  <i> How could such a wise old man be so stupid? Why take the risk to find out if the leaf was poison or tea? </i>
</p><p>“My name is Lee, and my uncle’s name is Mushi,”</p><p>“Well, Lee and Mushi, why don’t you have dinner at my house tonight? My mom always makes too much duck,” the healer, Song, apparently, said brightly. </p><p>That night, as Zuko sat alone on the back porch of that Earth Kingdom girl who showed them kindness. Dumb girl, caring about random strangers amidst this war. He couldn’t stand how suffocating the air felt inside, but strangely, it reminded him of home, the palace where no one could speak out of line, even over a casual dinner. The only sounds came from his father, bragging about Azula’s progress as she helpfully fills in the parts he missed. It was annoying, so he always gobbled down his food and excused himself from the table, followed closely by his mom. He sniffled, hugging his arms around himself. There’s no one to follow him out the door anymore. He sniffed again. The door opened</p><p>“Thought I’d find you out here” Song sat down next to him, “did the Fire Nation do that to you?” She gestured to his eye. He nodded. She rolled up her pants leg, “they got me too, as we were trying to escape.” He tried not to look but he saw it: the web of burns that had overtaken her leg. She pulled down the pants leg as fast as she pulled it up.</p><p>“I’m...I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” She took his arm, and his sleeve slipped up a little, revealing the myriad of little Xs sneaking up his arm. She turned it over in her hands, inspecting the little scars. </p><p>“Training accidents,” He pulled his arm away, hesitatingly. The sleeve fell over his arm again; it was obvious she didn’t believe him as she looked away, to the stars. </p><p>“The Avatar’s back. There’s hope now.”</p><p>Turning his head the opposite way, he whispered, “I know.” </p><p>That night, when he and uncle sneaked away from the house, after stealing the unsuspecting ostrich horse, he reached into the saddle bag and his fingers closed around something odd. A note. </p><p>
  <i>There’s still hope. You don’t need to keep doing it.</i>
</p><p>He balled the paper up, ready to throw it away, but he hesitated. What if Uncle Iroh found out he threw away a perfectly innocent note? No, he balled it up and stuffed it inside his shirt. </p><p>He didn’t add to his collection of scars that day.</p><p>————-</p><p>“Over here waiter! I’d like to order!” Zuko groaned, stalking his way to the table, trying to put on his best fake smile. </p><p>“We’d like a cup of your brown rice tea, cold, and a cup of your white peony tea, hot.” </p><p>“Ooh, great choice!” Uncle Iroh was passing by, bringing back a tray of dirty cups. As if on cue, Zuko took the tray and bowed to the customers who were already in a heated discussion with Uncle Iroh over the best types of teas. </p><p>“.....I won’t insult your life choices but cold tea? Tea is always better hot! It doesn’t only warm the body, but also the soul. How do you expect to get in touch with your spirit and open chakras without a nice warm cup of tea?....”</p><p>Zuko felt a smile creeping onto his lips as his uncle told him to change the order of cold brown rice tea to hot brown rice tea. He thought his life was over once they got into Ba Sing Se because it was merely an Earth Kingdom city, one that his uncle failed to take over. This place was the bane of the Fire Nation’s existence; they had entered enemy territory. </p><p>However, he thought, as he wiped down the table of a family who had several messy children who liked way too much sugar in their tea, they were finally able to make a life here, something that was impossible back at the Fire Nation Capital. Despite the monotony of their lives in Ba Sing Se, it felt nice to forget about the war for a while, to live with some semblance of a routine. </p><p>Each night, he spent hours staring at his burns in contempt, but each night, he left them alone, falling asleep content, something he hadn’t done since his mom was with him. </p><p>————-</p><p>Zuko rocked back and forth on his bed, surrounded by fancy red satin that felt like clouds on any other day. Today, however, it felt like sleeping on rocks. He had actually slept on rocks, in the Earth Kingdom, yet it didn’t feel quite as terrible as this. A rock was on his chest, heavy with guilt from what he had done to his uncle, betraying the only person who has ever trusted him. He buried his head into his knees. There was no way that Uncle Iroh could forgive him for that, for taking Azula’s side and attacking the Avatar, for giving into his desperation for honor, for disregarding all of his teachings. He gripped his head, the problem was that that was him. He wasn’t the righteous person Uncle Iroh thought he was, he wouldn’t be able to correct his family’s wrongs, he wasn’t Lu Ten, with endless amounts of energy and positivity he harbored. Someone could beat him up and Lu Ten would rather talk out their problems rather than return with violence. He had only turned a warrior as it came with his title of Crown Prince. Zuko wasn’t Lu Ten. He will always be the coward everyone saw him as, the person who believed that honor was everything, the person who would mindlessly chase the impossible. </p><p>A tear leaked out of his good eye and he unraveled himself, pulling on a cloak and sneaking out of his bedroom and heading to the prison cells. </p><p>His uncle was sitting there, in front of him, yet he knew he was miles away. </p><p>“We could’ve been heroes together. I’m….not completely sure what to do right now. I have my honor, my position, the status back, but it wasn’t how I imagined it,” he bit his lip, “the truth is that...I think the Avatar is alive. He’s still out there!” Uncle maintained his silence. This angered him. He should be saying something, yelling at him, cursing at him, trying to hit him; he should be reassuring him, accepting him, anything, anything was better than this silence. This disappointment. </p><p>“You know what?! Forget it, you are just a pitiful old man who is not in his right sense of mind! It was useless talking to you, waste away in this dingy old jail cell for all I care.” He marched out of the single cell, but not before he turned around. </p><p>“You brought this upon yourself, and if you weren’t locked up in here, you would be in the gutter, crazy old man.” </p><p>He stared at his scars for hours that night, before he did it, reopening each scar on his left arm, one by one. He fell asleep with a bloody towel pressed to his arm and tear streaks staining his face.</p><p>Seven hundred and three. <br/>————-</p><p>“Yeah, all you’ve ever done is hunt us down and try to capture Aang.” Sokka jabbed. Okay, that hurt. As true as it was, it felt like a knife had impaled him. He all of sudden couldn’t breath. </p><p>“Why should we trust you, how do we know you aren’t just a spy for the Fire Nation?” Katara’s eyes narrowed. His face went numb. </p><p>“Yeah, like we are supposed to just randomly believe that the Fire Lord’s <i>own son</i> would just give up his life to help the avatar? Yeah, nice try.” Zuko snapped his head up, meeting eyes with Sokka, challenging his words. </p><p>“You haven’t said a word about this.” His voice was coming out softer than he ever wanted it to, “once, you said that we could’ve been friends.”</p><p>The Avatar looked up with more conviction he’d ever seen in the boy’s eyes, “no, you can’t join us. You will never be accepted here after everything you did to us.”</p><p>Zuko bowed his head and left. </p><p>As he stared up at the starless sky that night in his makeshift tent, he heard a rustling sound, one that seemed to transcend the silent night. Without even thinking he let out a burst of flames in a semicircle around him, protectively, “who’s there?” </p><p>A voice cried out in pain, followed by a gasping, “you, you burned my feet!” It was the little earthbending girl that was a part of the Avatar’s little team. </p><p>“Wait!” She ran away and he scurried to his feet, chasing after the little green form before a boulder to the side knocked him down, “wait….please.”</p><p>He let out a scream. The few twinkling stars in the sky and the few cherry blossoms on the ground seemed to mock him. He crawled back to his tent and stared at his leg. It was barely marked up, the handiwork of Ba Sing Se. Gritting his teeth, a gust of fire ignited the cherry blossoms. Taking a deep breath, he brought his hand down to his left leg and summoned fire. The blistering skin was enough to remind him of his failures. </p><p>————-</p><p>Zuko watched the fire, watching it flicker and falter in the night air. The fire was confined, it wasn’t causing destruction; it was providing heat, and light and all things that were nice. It was hard to imagine that this orange beauty was the red beast that would burn down forests, villages, and even flesh. His hand came up automatically to stroke his eye. </p><p>“Watcha thinking about there, Sparky?” Toph slung an arm around his shoulders. </p><p>“Nothing,” he muttered, eyes still fixated on the tiny flame. </p><p>“Thinking about a way to report us back to the Fire Lord?” It was no surprise that Katara still didn’t like him, even though he had helped them make small fires and served them hot tea. He was just thankful that she had muttered this under her breath, and only he seemed to hear it.</p><p>“Thinking about a new way to jerkbend, jerkbender?” Sokka jabbed, with no malicious intent. </p><p>“Yeah, we still need to find a way for you to firebend, a way that’s not fueled by anger.” Aang replied thoughtfully. </p><p>“You guys could try looking for the original firebenders. I mean, I learned earth bending from badgermoles, the original earthbenders.” Toph ruffled his hair. </p><p>Scowling, he shook his head and his black hair fell black into place, “but the original firebenders were dragons, and my great grandfather Sozin had everyone practice dragon hunting as a sport. Uncle Iroh had killed the last dragon.”</p><p>“Evil runs in the family,” Katara crossed her arms. Toph stamped her foot and a piece of rock poked her in the butt; Katara yelped as Toph burst out laughing. </p><p>“Well is there any other place that may have kept the ancient art of fire bending? One that is preferably separate from the Fire Nation?” </p><p>“Well, there were the Sun Warriors. They were one of the first fire benders and they said they learned the art of fire bending straight from the dragons themselves.” </p><p>“Perfect, Zuko and I should go there tomorrow to learn some firebending!” Aang threw his hands up into the air animatedly. </p><p>“Well, then I should probably head to bed.” Zuko got up from his place around the campfire and started walking off. Katara stopped him, eyes flashing with anger. </p><p>“You are going to be alone with the Avatar tomorrow, one false step and I will not hesitate.” She didn’t need to finish her threat. </p><p>“I won’t.” Against his better judgement, he pushed past her as well. He wanted to leave, as fast as possible. He didn’t even care that Katara’s glare was probably burning holes into the back of his head. </p><p>He plopped onto his bed, staring at his arm like he had done thousands of times before. Giving up, he rolled up the bottom of his pants, stopping right under his knee. That would have to do today. He lit up his finger and started. </p><p>Nine hundred sixty-nine.<br/>————-</p><p>“Come on, we never get to take off our shirts when we train like all the other firebenders!” Aang stamped his foot like a little boy. </p><p>“That’s….that’s because….you haven’t reached that level yet?” </p><p>“I’ve seen firebenders practicing without their shirts since they were children, so stop bluffing and take your shirt off,” Sokka cried happily, ripping his own shirt off. (This was definitely not because he wanted to see Zuko shirtless, it was 100% for the sake of Aang’s training). </p><p>“I...I….I….don’t…..I’m not…”</p><p>“Come on Zuko! You’re always wearing long sleeves, aren’t you hot? This is Ember Island, close to the beach! Don’t you want to take your shirt off and go for a swim?” Aang ripped his own shirt off and ran towards the beach. </p><p>“Not….not really?”</p><p>“Loosen up, Sparky!” Toph sent a piece of earth right in front of his foot flying up, over his head, taking his shirt off with him. By the time Zuko realized, it was already too late and he was attempting to cover up his bare chest with his arms. His scarred chest being covered by his heavily and deeply marked up arms. His breathing picked up and he wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move. It was like Toph had anchored his feet into the earth. Unconsciously, tears started leaking from his eyes and he didn’t move to wipe them away because his chest was still exposed, everything was exposed. </p><p>An unfamiliar silence fell over the group. Everyone was staring at Zuko, eyes peeling away at his insecurities and seeing his true self. The fearless, mighty crown prince of the ruthless Fire Nation was gone in their eyes. </p><p>“Uhh...Zuko?”</p><p>“I….I gotta go.” He yanked his shirt off the ground where it lay and ran back to his room, throwing his shirt on as he flopped onto his bed and started crying. He couldn’t do this anymore. His hand was engulfed in its own fire and he was contemplating where to put it down this time. His stomach? His leg? His face? <i>His heart?</i></p><p>“Zuko, no!” A hand grabbed his own before he could set it down on anything. Shiny golden eyes met concerned blue ones. Sokka. </p><p>“Let go before I burn you.” </p><p>Fear flickered in Sokka’s eyes before his face hardened, “no, you won’t hurt me or yourself tonight.”</p><p>He yanked his arm away from Sokka’s iron grip, “what do you know about me?” He had to look away from him, “what use is it now to stop? I should’ve stopped years ago, but I couldn’t.”</p><p>“You were alone then, now you aren’t. You have friends! People who can help you and who can stay with you. You have Aang, Toph Suki, Appa, Momo….maybe not Katara….and me! We are always here when you need something.” </p><p>“Forget it. You guys would never understand, you’ve never felt like this before.”</p><p>“Try me.” Sokka sat next to a curled up Zuko. </p><p>“Have you….ever felt like you were just not supposed to be born? Just so useless, like everyone could live without you?” </p><p>“Yeah, sometimes.” </p><p>“...you...you do?” </p><p>“Yeah, everyone here is a bender or is really good at some form of fighting. I’m just the plans guy, or the boomerang guy, or sometimes the space sword guy,” he laughed at that one, “but that’s nothing compared to all of you guys. It’s just hard being the only person who has to sit out on all the big battles.” </p><p>Zuko looked up, sympathy in his eyes, which is ironic considering that was what he hated most. Many assume that he hated pity. <i>Oh poor child, he got mutilated by his own father. He lost his position to the throne. Sad boy with no where to go, even if he returned.</i> But he also hated sympathy, any emotion that expressed that he was inferior and needed to be saved. </p><p>“.....I was thirteen. It was an Agni Kai, you know, a-” </p><p>“Firebender fight, yeah, but at thirteen?” </p><p>“Yeah, it was against the Fire Lord, Fire Lord Ozai, and I chose not to fight him and he burned my face.” Sokka’s hand reached up to brush his eye. Zuko didn’t flinch away this time.</p><p>“I was thrown into prison after that Agni Kai, as I was deemed a traitor of the Fire Nation. That’s….when I started.” He gestured towards the part of his arm that was exposed from his sleeve slipping up. Sokka looked shocked but kept his quiet, thankfully. </p><p>“A month later, we shipped out to find the Avatar since you know, no Avatar, no honor. And, it’s just kind of become a habit ever since.” </p><p>Sokka wrapped his arms around Zuko and gently took his arms and wrapped it around himself. Zuko didn’t pull away. </p><p>“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you do it? I mean, only if you want to answer.”</p><p>“At first it was just boredom. The cell was just a stone box, there wasn’t exactly anything to do. Also, if I made a mark each day, it felt like I was doing something productive, and not just sitting around rotting in my cell. But then, it changed. It became a way to punish myself. My whole country thought of me like a failure. It’s better if I hurt myself rather than they try to hurt me, it was just easier that way.”</p><p>“No.” Zuko looked up in confusion. </p><p>“No,” Sokka repeated, “you aren’t a failure. This might sound cheesy coming from a guy who thought you were evil a month ago, but since then you have shown us that you are trustworthy, resourceful, kind, and sort of awkward.” Sokka laughed. Zuko stayed silent. </p><p>This was the most warmth he’d felt maybe in his entire life, the most at peace he had felt. When he was young, he was always worried about Azula and thinking about how to prove his worth. With Uncle Iroh, he was only concerned with hunting down the Avatar and his own honor. When he returned to the Fire Nation, the Avatar being alive was a weight he couldn’t put down. Now, he could finally cry. There was no Azula, no Fire Lord Ozai, no Fire Nation citizens, no judgement. </p><p>Sokka insisted on rubbing a salve on his newer wounds, even when Zuko complained and explained there was no use since they had already scarred. The Gaang discovered them the next day, curled up on the same bed. (Zuko would have never admitted it but he hadn’t complained when Sokka brought up holding him in his arms until he fell asleep.)</p><p>————-</p><p>“I’m sorry Zuko. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was really just teasing.” Toph spilled out as soon as Zuko walked out of the room.</p><p>“Ah, don’t worry. It’s fine. I’m...sorry.” Toph ran up and hugged Zuko, almost knocking his unstable sleepy form over. </p><p>“For what?” Aang had joined in on the hug.</p><p>“For keeping this from you? For thinking we weren’t friends? I’m not completely sure but I’m sorry.” </p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry.” Suki set a gentle hand on his shoulder. </p><p>“We forgive you!” A Sokka with arms wide open landed on the hug pile and they all fell to the ground, laughing. Even Momo and Appa joined in, by landing on top of Zuko’s head and licking everyone. Only Katara stayed her distance, hesitant whether or not to help the boy whose life she had made miserable, even more miserable than it already was. </p><p>“So….if you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” Aang pulled away from the hug first. </p><p>“.....Ah, I was thirteen-”</p><p>-------</p><p>Katara was the first one to hug him this time. Her hug felt different. It was firm yet soft, and her head sank into his robes. The hug made him automatically lift his arms to embrace her as well. It was a hug like his mom’s, and he cherished it. </p><p>“That’s terrible, how could a father do that to his own son?” Suki muttered under her breath, clinging onto Sokka.</p><p>“Sokka’s right you know, you can always trust us no matter what. We are your family now.” She whispered into his chest. He hummed in response.</p><p>“Do you know when the Agni Kai happened?” Katara pulled away as Aang pulled her shoulder to speak to Zuko.</p><p>“When I was thirteen?”</p><p>“No, I meant like day. What day?”</p><p>“Right after the Spring Equinox, why?” </p><p>“Just...so we can make sure you are okay around that time.” </p><p>“Right after the Spring Equinox?” Toph perked up, “that’s when cherry blossoms start blooming.” </p><p>“Wow, how do you know that! You...can’t really see.” Toph punched Sokka in the arm, “we used to grow cherry blossom trees in our neighborhood and I could feel when the first blossoms fell to the ground when the neighborhood boys would run around and shake the trees.” </p><p>“Oh! I remember too! We used to have cherry blossoms imported to Kyoshi Island as tea! The merchants said that the cherry blossoms would reach peak bloom right after the Spring Equinox!” Suki exclaimed, excited. </p><p>“That’s great! Now you have a pleasant memory that could help you erase the old ones!” Aang was so happy that he lingered a bit in the air each time he jumped. </p><p>Zuko smiled softly, “yeah, no matter where we were, Uncle always made sure that he wouldn’t miss seeing the cherry blossoms bloom and using them to brew tea.” </p><p>“That’s settled then!” Toph grabbed his arm, fingers tracing over the especially deep ones that had been reopened by him only months before, “you said each line represented a day that you hated right? Well, most of them represent a day, so we should help you earn each day back!” The crew all vigorously nodded in agreement. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Any day, after Twinkle Toes defeats Loser Lord, if you say cherry blossom, then we will dedicate that entire day to you. How many lines do you have?” </p><p>“A thousand and four” </p><p>“Then you can use a thousand and four cherry blossom days.” </p><p>“A thousand and four is way too many days! That’s like more than 3 years! How about this, we just stay with him any time he says cherry blossom? We don’t try counting the days back because that’s just impossible, and we all know that I failed math!” Sokka threw his hands up in the air. </p><p>“You-you guys don’t have to do this for me….” Pale pink dusted onto Zuko’s cheeks, bringing color into his otherwise pale face. </p><p>“No, this is a great idea. Cherry blossom time is a go!” Katara got up to hug him once more. </p><p>As if on cue, a cherry blossom fell to the ground. A gust of wind made it fly to Aang’s hand. He set it onto Zuko’s hair. They all laughed and wrapped him in yet another hug. He didn’t remove the blossom until he went to bed, where he gingerly plucked it off and set it on the floor besides his bed. For the first time in a long time, he slept with a smile on his face. </p><p>————-</p><p>5 times Zuko used his cherry blossom time </p><p>“Hey what are you doing, Fire Lord?” Suki sauntered into the Fire Lord’s meeting room unannounced, like always. She found him there, alone, surrounded by papers that were strewn about. Contrary to popular assumptions about the Fire Lord, he wasn’t a messy person. One of his pet peeves when they were traveling was the horrid mess that was their camp after a big fight. He claimed that it was because he lived on a war ship for three years with soldiers who could not keep a room clean for their lives. They laughed when they saw his childhood room, the giant room was spotless. A talk with a maid who worked there her whole life mentioned that they were never allowed to step into the prince’s room. They all assumed that he had a big secret to hide but when he became Fire Lord, he shyly admitted to them that he had a hard time letting people touch his stuff. That’s why it was so concerning that he allowed his work space to be such a mess. </p><p>“What are you doing!?”</p><p>Zuko looked up and he looked even worse. Bags under his eyes, hair a mess, clothes uneven, but it was the eyes that got her. He was sad. She could’ve sworn that she saw a hint of desperation in his amber eyes but she shook that thought away. Zuko was royalty, the Fire Lord. </p><p>“Finishing up a couple of papers before I go to bed,” </p><p>“You call this a couple?” She peered at the mountain of papers on his desk, “I think this is enough for today.” </p><p>“Suki, why does it hurt?” An arm came up to wrap around Suki’s shoulders as she hoisted him to his feet. </p><p>“Why does what hurt?” As if easing a child, she gently pulled him forward, encouraging him to walk on his own two legs. He brought his other hand to his chest, pounding it a few times, “In here, it hurts.” The hand reached over to his other arm and began scratching, gently at first. She pushed his hand down carefully, knowing that he was preparing to reopen his wounds, the ones that they worked so hard to convince him to stop expanding on his collection. </p><p>“Why does it hurt?” </p><p>Zuko froze in the middle of the hallway between his meeting room and his bedroom and peered into her eyes, “Suki, all those were complaints. I swear I have at least one from each village, from each tiny remote island. These people hate me and…..it hurts?” </p><p>She ushered him forward. “You know, Suki? I’ve been hated before. Agni, even half my own family hated me. But this, it never hurt like this. I don’t even know these people; I worked so hard to save these people, yet their grudge against me, against the Fire Nation, hadn’t ceased.” </p><p>He laid down on his bed and Suki started stripping off his royal garments until only his long-sleeved undergarments were left, “You know, these people have been wronged for generations under the Fire Nation’s rule? You even burned down my village.” She laughed as she threw him his sleeping robes. </p><p>“But as I got to know you, I knew you weren’t so bad. You had helped us rebuild the island and you had apologized so many times for burning down our village that even I felt bad.” </p><p>Zuko nodded, eyes unseeing, “Can….can you tell me some of your other stories? Please? …..for me?” </p><p>“Cherry blossom time?” He nodded. </p><p>“I won’t start until you say it!” </p><p>“......no, it’s stupid.” </p><p>“Aww, and I had this great story about one of the kids riding the Unagi.” </p><p>“Unagi?” </p><p>“This <i>giant</i> sea monster who <b>spews</b> water and is probably a better water bender than even Katara!” </p><p>“That sounds so cool!” </p><p>“Now, say what you want.” </p><p>“........cherry blossom time.” </p><p>She pulled the blankets around him and tucked him in, smiling silently to herself at how small the almighty Fire Lord looked, “of course, one time, when we were practicing outside, the Unagi….” </p><p>He slept with a smile that night and woke up to a cup of poorly brewed cherry blossom tea topped with a dried cherry blossom. <br/>————-</p><p>Zuko straightened out the royal robes before sighing deeply. Besides him, Aang flashed him a smile and laughed nervously. They stepped into the cell. </p><p>Ex-Fire Lord Ozai had his back turned towards them. He didn’t even look back as he heard the door opening. </p><p>“What do you want?” </p><p>“Father, I have brought you some tea.” He hoped his father couldn’t tell that his voice was shaking, “it’s the newest variety at Uncle’s tea shop, I hope you enjoy it!” He gingerly stuck his hand through the metal bars and set the tray down.</p><p>“Whatever you have to say, just say it.” Despite being dressed in rags and hunched over in a corner, he still had the terrifying aura he had as a Fire Lord and somehow, instantly, Zuko remembered why he was petrified of the man. </p><p>“I would just like to inform you that I have been taking care of our relations with the other Kingdoms and I am almost through fixing all the wrongs you have caused.” </p><p>Ozai’s glare intensified and he ran to the bars, slamming into them, startling Zuko and Aang but they both managed to maintain their composure. He bared his teeth.</p><p>“You, you imbecile! You disappointment, failure. You will never account for anything! You are weak and cowardly, you wouldn’t have been able to do anything if it weren’t for the Avatar,” he growled like a rabid beast at the mention of his enemy, “There’s a reason you have been getting so many death threats, so many assassination attempts. You are an inadequate Fire Lord and I’m the one they want on that throne. I should’ve just killed you when I had the chance.” He looked like he was going to say more, hair wild and sticking out of his head, eyes crazy. </p><p>“Former Fire Lord Ozai,” Aang spoke up this time, head held high, “you will not talk to your Fire Lord like that.” He looked down at the man’s pitiful form, “I had hoped you reflected on what you did in prison, but you haven’t. I am very disappointed. The Fire Lord and I will leave you to reflect.” </p><p>Aang pulled Zuko out of his father’s cell, but not before they both bowed. They were not ill-mannered enough to stoop to Ozai’s level. Ozai sneered. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Aang peered worriedly at Zuko, who had frozen. A bird chirped on a nearby tree but he didn’t seem to hear it, “You know that your father is a terrible man and you shouldn’t take anything he says to heart.” </p><p>“Yeah, I know but when he said that, I was thirteen again. I was thirteen again and begging for him to not touch me, and I don’t ever want to be like that again: powerless, knowing that I didn’t deserve any love.” Zuko’s hand came up to his arm and he rubbed the sleeve, wanting to get under there, wanting to rip off his sleeve just for some pain relief.  </p><p>Aang wrapped Zuko in a hug. He gave them to his friends often but it still felt odd, unwarranted. He felt his own heart pound in his ears but he relaxed into Aang’s hug. He loved this little kid who, despite losing his family to Zuko’s people, being chased halfway across the world by Zuko, and even experiencing an assassination attempted warrented by Zuko himself, still valued him as a person rather than defining him by the wrongdoings his ancestors. </p><p>“Will you...practice firebending with me? You can be the Sifu Hotman this time…” Aang looked up, slightly confused at the offer, “cherry blossom time?” Zuko supplied helplessly. </p><p>Aang grinned,”But first, watch this!” A gust of wind made a bunch of leaves fall to the ground, and they landed in the shape of a cherry blossom. Zuko’s eyes softened as he saw that, speechless at the likeness to the flower. </p><p>“Race ya, hotman!” Aang had already taken off as Zuko was admiring the flower, laughing as Zuko protested, desperate to catch up. </p><p>“Hey that’s not fair! You distracted me!” </p><p>Their laughs could be heard from the other side of the palace.<br/>————-</p><p>“So I propose that we send in a team of Fire Nation workers to rebuild your houses. All expenses will be on us, consider it our apology.” Zuko bowed his head respectfully at the Dagui Coand Water Tribe Chief. Truthfully, he had never heard of this tribe but they claim that the Fire Nation soldiers had set fire to it while traveling to the Earth Kingdom and that was most likely true, as much as Zuko would not like to admit it. He was trying to make amends to the best of his abilities but this Chief seems to have a grudge against anyone in red. </p><p>“We would like supplies to be brought as well,” he turned up his nose. </p><p>“What types of supplies?” He was no stranger to these types of meetings, forced to have them every other day for every leader who requested a visit with him. Some of them seemed friendly, explaining how they didn’t blame him for the damage as he was only a kid and even helped the Avatar end the crippling war. Most, however, did not have such compassion in their hearts. More than once he had to deal with screaming advisors who lashed out at him and cursed his people. Originally, he had wanted to talk the leaders out of their anger but as it more often than not resulted in him lashing out at them, he decided that the best way was to allow a neutral friend from each side sit in on the meetings. </p><p>“Everything we have lost in this war, a hundred years worth of food and clothes and supplies.” The Dagui Coand Tribe co-Chief replied, glaring at him unsettlingly, the long scar running up his face seemed to gleam like a blade in sunlight. </p><p>“I apologize but that is an unreasonable request and cannot be done.” Katara crossed her arms. She was one of the most powerful water benders, and Zuko had hoped she’d be the nicest to these tribe members. </p><p>“What do you mean?!” The Chief roared, slamming his hands down on the table. The co-Chief didn’t even attempt to hold him back but Zuko had already flinched. Somewhere behind them, the ocean waves started to gain traction. </p><p>“We’re saying that we can compensate you with food for a few weeks but that’s it. We, too, need the supplies.” He regained his composure as the Chief growled. Water burst through the open window and shot at the Fire Lord. Frozen in place with fear, Katara took that time to slide in front of him and turned the water into ice. She smirked, flicking her wrist and faster than the blink of an eye, shards of ice shot at the Water Tribe members, pinning both the Chief and co-Chief to the wall. </p><p>“This meeting is over.” She pulled Zuko out of the meeting room. His face was pale and his fingers started playing with his sleeve, slipping under it slowly. </p><p>“Hey Zuko, you okay?” The hand crawled up further and started scratching, slowly at first. </p><p>“That was really scary, wasn’t it? I mean, why were they even so mad? If it weren’t for you, they would still be under Fire Nation rule…” A piece of skin made it between shaky fingers and blood dripped down his arm, staining the bright red carpet with his dark red blood. </p><p>“Zuko! What happened?!” Katara hurriedly rolled up his sleeve and brought out some water, letting it slip and slide over and under his self-inflicted wound. He watched as the skin closed up slowly. She used the rest of the water to wash off the blood. </p><p>“Ka-Katara?” </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Can we go back in there? I need to finish negotiating.” </p><p>“No, those men are savages and not worth it.” </p><p>“Please? Cherry blossom time?” </p><p>“Fine, but one false step and they’re getting it.” He nodded, slowly turning around and walking back to the meeting room, dazed. </p><p>The burly men seemed to be cowering as Katara let them down from the wall. The negotiation finished without a hitch as they just quickly accepted the proposals, shooting fearful looks at Katara in between. </p><p>“Thank you, again, for being there. And for…..saving my life.” </p><p>“Any time, Zuko.” She helped him clean up his meeting room, bending the water out of the papers as he straightened them on his desk. </p><p>“I-I wish I were that powerful.” </p><p>“Hm?” </p><p>“The way you reacted, and the fact that did that all within seconds...I wish I were as powerful as you.” Katara dropped her water and went over to the dejected Fire Lord and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. </p><p>“No, remember when Azula was about to hit me with lightning? You saved me. Consider this a thank you for that.” Zuko smiled up at her, grateful. </p><p>“Hey I never told you this but when we were going to defeat her that day, I stole a dried cherry blossom from one of the Ember Island markets.” </p><p>“Katara!” </p><p>“I know, stealing is wrong, but I just wanted something to remember that day by.” Katara took a piece of cloth out of her coat. A single cherry blossom lay inside, fragile, yet resilient, dried yet soft. She pulled a piece of string loose from her clothes and tied it around the stem, tying it around Zuko’s neck. </p><p>“I think you should have it, a reminder of our journey together. Whenever you think that you aren’t good enough or you aren’t a good enough fire bender, look down at it and remember that you saved my life. I think you are the best fire bender.” </p><p>He stared at it and a smile slowly blossomed on his face. He pulled her closer for a hug and she didn’t resist this time. When he took it off that night, he hung it in his closet, hidden but somewhere he could always see it. <br/>————-<br/>“Mr. Bad Haircut, got any plans for the day?” Toph leapt onto his bed and jumped into a still sleepy Zuko’s arms. </p><p>“Stop calling me that, my hair’s changed.” He tried to say with vengeance but a smile still crept its way into his words. </p><p>Toph ruffled his hair, “yeah but when I heard that you used to be <i>bald</i> with a <i>ponytail</i> I laughed so hard that I snorted,” she ruffled his hair again, “anyways, wanna come with me to my parents’ house?” </p><p>“Your what?” </p><p>“Come on, everyone else got a life-changing field trip with you that involved their parents, and some dragons, I figured I might as well give it a chance. We already saw half of your parents. No offense, but your family is crazy. But I figured we could go see mine! I mean parents, and my house has dragons carved into the side, I’ve got everything!” </p><p>Zuko laughed and got dressed, packing his stuff and leaving a note to his most trusted generals that he was taking a day off. </p><p>“So, how do we get there?” </p><p>“I was thinking we should take a war balloon, your favorite mode of transportation, then walk the rest, my favorite mode.” </p><p>Laughing, Zuko ordered a war balloon to be prepared as Toph described her parents. Her dad has been overprotective of her since forever. He had always wanted a little girl to love but once she came along and the doctors pronounced her blind, he had sworn on his entire life to protect her and keep her sheltered from the world. Zuko snorted at that, if there were anyone he could count on to protect themselves, it was Toph. Her mom was the same way, overprotective, fearful of the world and how it could harm her little girl, but she was less strict. Where her dad was all sharp edges and “you will not leave without permission and that’s an order!”, her mom was smooth and “don’t worry, once I talk to your father, we will get you a couple of bodyguards as escorts. Where her dad was brick walls and metal gates, her mom was encouraging words and negotiations. It reminded Zuko of his own parents, his dad was always the bad one while his mom always worked damage control on him. Azula never needed damage control, she wasn’t weak like him. </p><p>He shook away that thought as they stepped into the front door of Toph’s house. Despite living in a castle his own life, even Zuko’s jaw dropped as he stepped into her house. The hallways weren’t kept dark like in his own house. His great grandfather, Fire Lord Sozin, had believed in dimming lights in all the households as even the mild torches used in the hallways could be used as a legal weapon by the numerous firebenders roaming the hallways. Intense fire-blocking dividers had been used to block the doorways to limit the natural sunlight that could enter the structure. Zuko had considered taking all the reinforcements out but his better judgement reminded him of everything his great grandfather was afraid of. However, seeing the natural light filtering into the hallways and shining on leafy green plants, giant stone entryways with fancy engravings instead of the heavy doors blocking each turn, is making him reconsider his decision. </p><p>Toph stomped into the living room where, as she had expected, sat a man and a woman, both looking high class and elegant in their Earth Kingdom garments. On instinct, he fell to his knees and pressed his forehead to the floor. Toph kicked him up. </p><p>“They’re just my parents, you don’t need to bow to them. You’re the Fire Lord.” Zuko got up, but kept his head down. Toph took a deep breath. </p><p>“Hello mother, father. I’m back, there’s no need to send people after me again.” She gritted out with a hint of bitterness. </p><p>“Hello Toph, now that you’re back, we can get back to training! Master Yu will be pleased!” Her father stood up and embraced her.</p><p>“Pleased about what?” </p><p>“Master Yu has the perfect plan for your extended earthbending training! He wants you to become the best earthbender ever. Eventually you can be used as a good example for the rest of his students! The only downside is that you can’t see these friends anymore. Master Yu believes that they have corrupted you.”  </p><p>Toph stomped her foot and the tea in her mother’s hand tipped over as a boulder striked her chair. Zuko grabbed ahold of her before she could do any more damage. </p><p>“You didn’t even care that I was gone! You just wanted to use me to get Master Yu’s earthbending academy famous! Are you even my parents?! I went away for like 4 months and you don’t even care where I’ve been?” </p><p>“But think of all the possibilities if you became a master at his earthbending academy! Think of all the benefits we could get from this deal!” Her mother walked towards her, arms open and voice soft. </p><p>“No, I will not become a prize that Master Yu has won. Goodbye mother, father. I will never come back again.” Toph turned on her heels, only to be stopped by a-</p><p>“You!” She turned back around, “You rebel after everything I have taught you, everything I have given you! You are ungrateful! I bet it was these friends of yours who did this to you! Who did this to my little girl!” His menacing glare turned to Zuko and he avoided his eyes. </p><p>“Let’s go, Zuko.” He bowed once more at the parents. </p><p>“You traitor!” her father was cut off by a fire shot near his feet. </p><p>“Stop.” </p><p>“Pardon?” </p><p>“I said stop,” Zuko rose to his feet, glaring at the parents and the scorch mark on the chair, “I don’t know if it’s the same with parents, but when my mom left, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. ‘Why did she leave? What did I do wrong? What could I have done to make her stay?’ Every day I missed her, I wanted to tell her I loved her, that I would do anything to get her back. But you? You don’t even want to ask her how her last few months were, how she was able to <i>save the world</i>, didn’t tell her that you missed her, you loved her. The first thing you wanted to do was bind her back into this hellhole. Is that how a parent is supposed to act? How her family should act? No, so I will be taking her back to a place that actually knows how to love their family member. Goodbye now, today and forever.” </p><p>Zuko pulled her out of the house, that wolf in disguise. He couldn’t see it in the bright and and pure house he saw the first time, after knowing that his friend was unhappily locked in there. Shaking his head, he walked forward, never turning back again. </p><p>“Wow, Sparky, what was that?” </p><p>“Uh...just some things I was thinking about when we were traveling.”</p><p>“Wow, hurt deep aren’t you?” </p><p>Unconsciously, he started scratching his arms. Sensing the uneasy movement, Toph reached up to stop that hand. </p><p>“So, we’re here, what do you wanna do? I happened to…” She took her hand out of a pocket and a bag of coins came with it. </p><p>“Agni, Toph….but, let’s go shopping, I want to see what an Earth Kingdom market is like. Cherry blossom time.” At that, Toph burst out into a smile and marched him to the nearest market. At first, Zuko stood idly as Toph ran to each station, having memorized which ones had the best snacks. When she slapped a mask backwards onto the Fire Lord’s face, he burst into laughter as she complained that she can’t see and didn’t care enough to feel out the front of the mask. </p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“I can’t <i>see</i>.”</p><p>“It’s like this dome thing? With something pink inside?” </p><p>“Oh that! That’s cherry blossom milk pudding! It was one of my favorites growing up!”</p><p>After only taking one bite, it quickly turned into Zuko’s favorite too. Toph asked if they could get the vendor to sell at the Fire Nation Capital as well. Zuko questioned why. Toph answered that she wouldn’t be going back to her parents, that she would be staying there. Zuko smiled at the cherry blossom suspended in the pudding as he agreed. <br/>————-</p><p>When Zuko opened his eyes, all he could feel was pain, pain in his head, pain in his stomach, pain in his legs. </p><p>“Woah there champ, not so fast.” Sokka rushed to his bedside, the only one who was awake enough to see that Zuko was waking up. The rest of the Gaang layed passed out on chairs and tables next to his bedside. He felt bad. </p><p>“Wha-what happened?” A pang to his head made his hand automatically reach for it. </p><p>“You don’t remember?” </p><p>“Not really.” </p><p>“A crazy man went into your room late at night, wanting to kill you, and stabbed you in the stomach a couple of times. You fought him off and stabbed him instead. Toph awoke to the commotion and threw a couple of boulders at what she presumed were the attacker but was actually your legs.” Sokka gestured at his heavily wrapped legs and torso. So that was what happened. An assassination attempt.He remembered parts of it. The Summer Solstice had just started and they were playing a game of Fuseball, a game similar to air scooter, but they could use their separate elements and their weapons which made the game a thousand times more fun. The ball, of course, was made of a basically invincible material (“I know exactly what to use, space rock from Yue!” Sokka had exclaimed). After filing a few dozen papers, Zuko had finally collapsed onto his bed before a blinding pain had woken him up.</p><p>Much like now, the pain was the only thing he could think about. Thinking back to the piles of incomplete paperwork he had just filed away, he knew he needed to get off the bed. He pushed himself up onto his elbows, only for Sokka to push him back down. </p><p>“Nuh uh, healer’s orders, don’t let him get back to work right as he wakes up. He specified that you will rest for a few days before you returned to your Fire Lord duties.” Sokka tucked him back in tightly. </p><p>“And when Suki had freaked when we got the message that you had gotten nearly fatally injured and…” </p><p>Healer’s orders. Healer Jian, an old man who had been there for all his childhood injuries and illnesses, from colds that took away his breath to bones sticking out his wrist, from burns that blistered to viruses that left him dizzy. He was probably one of the only people in the palace at the time who cared about his well being (Uncle Iroh was in Ba Sing Se). </p><p>“And when Katara got here, she immediately tried to heal you, only there was like nothing more to heal, and it was also so deep it would’ve taken too much out of her so, you should’ve seen her, she was sulking like a lion-kitten, it was so funny!” </p><p>“Sokka?”</p><p>He was by his side in an instant. </p><p>“Can you take me outside? Just, I want some fresh air.”</p><p>“No, I gotta follow the healer's orders.” </p><p>“Please? Cherry blossom time?” </p><p>He huffed, “fine, I suppose a spin wouldn’t hurt. Now, where did Teo leave that extra wheelchair?” </p><p>When Zuko felt the outside air against his skin, he immediately relaxed. As someone who lived on a ship for years, there was really nothing better than getting onto the upper deck, away from the stink of the lower cabins, and getting fresh air. He felt the effect immediately.</p><p>“Zuko, not to be….insensitive, but….does this happen often? What did he want?”</p><p>He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the answer, “when I was fighting him, he said that I had killed both his wife and all his children. He...needed revenge. And, it happens often enough that…..I keep a spare set of Dao swords by my bed.” His arms suddenly felt itchy but Sokka reached out to hold his hands. </p><p>“Tui and La, are you okay? I mean, of course not, you almost got killed but…..you know what? I think Suki and I should stay here, an extra set of eyes to help protect you.”</p><p>Zuko hummed, “you know? When he was….trying to kill me, I was considering of letting him. It’s so tiring, trying to fight an assassination attempt every other day, it’s just….it gets hard to want to keep living and being Fire Lord.” </p><p>“Well, I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you fought back, I don’t know what we would’ve done.” </p><p>“Reinstate my father?”</p><p>“Heck no, even Momo would make a better Fire Lord than that! Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty, his Momoness.” </p><p>Zuko laughed. Sokka saw a pathway of cherry blossoms and decided to push him there, to admire the romantic view of it all. Zuko smiled softly at the path. After all, his pain didn’t go away: there were still nights where he woke up screaming from a nightmare about being left behind, still nights where he was one straw away from burning the skin on his thighs, but this was different: he had nights where he would laugh so hard at a joke that some water he just drank would come back out, some nights where nothing else mattered as he and the Gaang slept on Appa’s back, some nights where he felt content with his life. These were the moments he lived for, that kept him from ending it all, the moments that he wished he could’ve thrusted into his thirteen-year-old prisoner self’s face and begged him to stop counting, for him, for them. However, where he used to stare at his scars in disgust, he now stares at them in admiration because that, that was proof of his journey, his strength, it was what he had to go through to get where he was today, with loving and supporting friends that love him unconditionally. He loved each and every one of his scars because that was what made him, him. </p><p> </p><p>--------</p><p>Some quick notes:</p><p>-the numbers are the number of scars on Zuko's body<br/>-I tried to time the cherry blossoms right to once every year<br/>-when he talked about the anniversary of his banishments, i vaguely remember cherry blossoms in the background (but that might have also just been me being crazy lmao) so that's why I made his agni kai right after the spring equinox<br/>-this is my first atla fanfic and I only finished the series like a few weeks ago (i know, i watched it late), so please forgive me if anything seems wrong</p>
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